Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you
looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when
he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
Witness: "After the accident?"
Lawyer: "Before the accident."
Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school
for it."
Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?"
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you
can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest
man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the
compliment."
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?"
Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that
picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the moment of conception was August
8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Witness: "Four times."
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?"
Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."
Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid
question) "Your Honour, I'd like to strike the next question."
Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined
the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
8:30pm."
Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that
correct?"
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
Witness: "Fair."
Lawyer: "Are you married?"
Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."
Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
Witness: "Attached to the ears."
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted
to and were able, for the time being excluding all the
restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought
you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and
shot."
Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok?
What school do you go to?"
Witness: "Oral."
Lawyer: "How old are you?"
Witness: "Oral."
Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
Witness: "She is my daughter."
Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't
know anything about it until the next morning?"
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a
murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the
fracas."
Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the
naval."
Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was
under the influence?"
Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't
pronunciate his words."
Lawyer: "Was this child born out of wedlock?"
Mother (loudly and clearly): "No, sir, just outside of
Louisville.”
