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LANGUAGE
I
personally believe we developed language because of our deep
inner need to complain.
- Jane
Wagner.
It's a
strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get
you into hot water.
-
Franklin P. Jones.
Our
language is funny - a fat chance and slim chance are the same
thing.
- J.
Gustav White.
A good
catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
-
Wendell L. Willkie.
I like the word
"indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.
- Bern Williams.
Language is the dress of thought.
-
Samuel Johnson.
It is
a safe rule to apply that, when a mathematical or philosophical
author writes with a misty
profundity, he is talking nonsense.
-
Alfred North Whitehead.
Every
American child should grow up knowing a second language,
preferably English.
-
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and
fighting.
-
Peter Finley Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Opinions.
The
Ancient Mariner would not have taken so well if it had been
called The Old Sailor.
-
Samuel Butler.
The
word "good" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to
shoot his grandmother at a range
of five hundred yards, I should
call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.
- G.K.
Chesterton.
LAUGHTER
I am
thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
-
Woody Allen.
He who
laughs, lasts.
- Mary
Pettibone Poole.
Aunt
Dahlia guffawed more liberally than I have ever heard a woman
guffaw. If there had been an aisle,
she would have rolled in
it….She was giving the impression of a hyaena which had just
heard a good one
from another hyaena.
- P.G.
Wodehouse.
The
most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
- E.E.
Cummings.
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing
it principally in one place.
- Josh
Billings.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
-
Victor Borge.
When
people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other.
- Alan
Alda.
A good
laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.
-
Irish Proverb.
A man
isn't poor if he can still laugh.
-
Raymond Hitchcock.
Seven
days without laughter makes one weak.
- Mort
Walker.
Laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a
pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh
Sidey.
We do
have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a
dentist.
-
Joseph Heller.
That
day is lost on which one has not laughed.
-
French proverb.
Laugh
alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the
Heimlich manoeuvre may be more appropriate.
Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me
will shorten it.
Even
if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.
Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and
nonsense.
You
don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because
you stop laughing.
LAW & JUSTICE
A jury
consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better
lawyer.
-
Robert Frost.
To
appeal, in law, is to put the dice back in the box for another
throw.
-
Ambrose Bierce.
My
idea of the ideal jury is twelve Irish unionists deciding the
case of my client, Patrick O’Brien, a union
bricklayer, who was
run over by Chauncey Marlborough’s Rolls Royce while Marlborough
was on his way
to deposit £50,000 in the bank.
-
Melvin Belli.
The penalty for laughing
in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this
penalty, the jury would
never hear the evidence.
- H.L. Mencken.
Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search
of justice must pass.
- Jane
Bryant Quinn.
The
man who talks of an unalterable law is probably an unalterable
fool.
-
Sydney Smith.
This
is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice.
-
Oliver Wendall Holmes.
Every
law is an infraction of liberty.
-
Jeremy Bentham.
Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.
-
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
For
certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
- Gore
Vidal.
The
real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt
Not Steal," "Thou Shalt
Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full
of lawyers, judges and
politicians! It creates a hostile work
environment!
-
George Carlin.
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
-
Charles Lamb.
Defendant: I don’t recognise this court!
Judge:
Why not?
Defendant: You’ve had it decorated!
- Eric Morecambe and
Ernie Wise.
Eric:
I’ll never forget my mother’s words to me when I first went to
jail.
Ernie:
What did she say?
Eric:
Hello, son.
- Eric
Morcambe and Ernie Wise.
For
many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles
per hour (metric equivalent: 378 kilograms
per hectare.)
- Dave
Barry.
We
operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we
complain about it, we have to admit that
we know of no better
system, except possibly flipping a coin.
- Dave
Barry.
Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.
-
Judge Sturgess.
Justice is the tolerable accommodation of the conflicting
interests of society, and I don't believe there is any
royal
road to attain such accommodation concretely.
-
Judge Learned Hand, in P. Hamburger, The Great Judge.
Somebody recently figured out that we have 35 million laws to
enforce the ten commandments.
- Bert
Masterson and Earl Wilson
The
more laws the more offenders.
-
Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732.
It
ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long
as you don't break any.
- Mae
West.
When
there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand
thieves, it's taxation.
-
Vanya Cohen.
When I
see the Ten Most Wanted Lists... I always have this thought: If
we'd made them feel wanted earlier,
they wouldn't be wanted now.
- Edie
Cantor.
There's a traditional definition of a shyster: a lawyer who,
when the law is against him, pounds on the facts;
when the facts
are against him, pounds on the law; and when both the facts and
the law are against him,
pounds on the table.
- Eben
Moglen.
The
vices of the rich and great are mistaken for error; and those of
the poor and lowly, for crimes.
- Lady
Marguerite Blessington.
It is
not a Justice System. It is just a system.
- Bob
Enyart.
The
more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.
-
Tacitus, Annals.
Most
laws seem reasonable until some asshole in authority tries to
enforce them against nice people like us.
Black
rhinos and lawyers are very similar - they are both
short-sighted, thick skinned and charge like hell.
The
golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
A new
law was recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets
divorced, they’re still brother and sister.
Q: How
do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: You
cut the rope.
Q:
What's the most commonly heard redneck defense in court?
A: "Honest, your honour, I was just helping the sheep over the
fence."
So
many lawyers, so few bullets.
It's
beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
What
happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He
gets taller.
LAZINESS
It is
better to have loafed and lost than never having loafed at all.
-
James Thurber.
All of
the biggest technological inventions created by man - the
airplane, the automobile, the computer - says
little about his
intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.
- Mark
Kennedy.
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
-
David Dunham.
As a
boy, he swallowed a teaspoon. And he hasn’t stirred since.
His
idea of roughing it is to turn his electric blanket down to
Medium.
The
nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite
respectable.
I'm
out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Save
energy: be apathetic.
LEADERSHIP
A
leader is a dealer in hope.
-
Napoleon Bonaparte.
Do not
go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail.
-
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
A good
leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the
blame and a little less than his share
of the credit.
- John
C. Maxwell.
When
trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing
to take
command. Very often, that person is crazy.
- Dave
Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn.
LEARNING & EDUCATION
We are
here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is
moonshine.
- H.L.
Mencken (also attributed to Mark Twain).
Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always
like being taught.
-
Winston Churchill.
I have
never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark
Twain.
We are
shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or
fifteen years, and come out at last with a
bellyful of words and
do not know a thing.
-
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
How is
it that little children are so intelligent and men are so
stupid? It must be education that does it.
-
Alexander Dumas.
Human
beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also
remarkable for their
apparent disinclination to do so.
-
Douglas Adams.
I am
learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.
-
Eartha Kitt.
Man's
mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original
dimensions.
-
Oliver Wendell Holmes.
The
ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.
-
Mohammed.
I have
never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with
me.
-
Dudley Field Malone.
There
are three kinds of men: The ones who learn by reading; The few
who learn by observation; The rest
of them have to pee on the
electric fence and find out for themselves.
- Will
Rogers.
Education is what remains when we have forgotten all that we
have been taught.
-
Marquis of Halifax.
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from
time to time that nothing that is worth
knowing can be taught.
-
Oscar Wilde.
Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument is an exchange
of ignorance.
-
Robert Quillan.
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
-
Marie Curie.
To the
small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the
name 'knowledge'.
-
Ambrose Bierce.
Not
ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance, is the death of
knowledge.
-
Alfred North Whitehead.
I have
never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from
him.
-
Galileo Galilei.
I was
a modest, good-humoured boy. It is Oxford that has made me
insufferable.
- Max
Beerbohm.
Patterson: Doesn’t he have a gown?
Flora:
Battersea Tech. They just award them clean overalls on
graduation.
-
Malcolm Bradbury and Christopher Bigsby.
Sixty
years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a
progressive discovery of our
own ignorance.
- Will
Durant.
The
average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from
one graveyard to another.
- J.
Frank Dobie.
Headmasters have powers at their disposal with which Prime
Ministers have never yet been invested.
- Alan
Bennett.
Stand
firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real
life, I assure you, there is no such
thing as algebra.
- Fran
Lebowitz.
My
school motto was ‘Monsanto incorpori glorius maxima copia’
which in Latin means, ‘When the going gets
tough, the tough go
shopping.’
-
Robin Williams.
Grammar schools are public schools without the sodomy.
- Tony
Parsons.
After
eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter
came along and shot him.
The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
- Will
Rogers.
If you
know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.
The
principal thing an inquisitive child learns is how little adults
know.
Sociology degrees - please take one. (next to lavatory paper
dispenser).
It
wasn’t school that the students disliked, it was the principal
of the thing.
There's one thing to be said for ignorance - it sure causes a
lot of interesting arguments.
Education kills by degrees.
LEVANT, OSCAR
(Anecdotes)
When I
was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.
There
is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this
line.
I was
once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other
patients.
The
first thing I do in the morning is to brush my teeth and sharpen
my tongue.
Seated
at a dinner table next to an attractive young lady, Levant
failed to stifle a yawn. “Am I keeping
you up?” she asked. “I
wish you were,” he answered.
In the
late fifties he hosted a local TV show in Los Angeles with his
second wife, June, and one night he
fell asleep while
interviewing a guest. When June tried to nudge him awake, he
groused, “Wake me when he’s through.”
To an
obnoxious acquaintance: “I’m going to memorise your name and
throw my head away.”
After dinner at the
White House, Levant turned to his wife and said, “Now I suppose
we’ll have to have the
Trumans over to our house.
Oscar
Levant, when introduced to Greta Garbo: "Sorry, I didn't catch
the name."
During
a poker game Levant was told of Judy Garland's latest suicide
attempt. "Let's see," he said, dealing a hand,
"she's two up on
me in suicide attempts, but I'm three up on her in nervous
breakdowns. Or is it the other way around?"
LIBERALS
A
liberal is a man who leaves the room when a fight begins.
-
Heywood Broun.
Liberals can understand everything but people who don't
understand them.
-
Lenny Bruce.
A
liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the
moment.
-
Willis Player.
A
liberal is a man
too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
-
Robert Frost.
What a
liberal wants is to bring about change which will not in any way
endanger his position.
-
Stokely Carmichael.
A
liberal is one who has both feet planted firmly in the air.
-
Adlai Stevenson.
Hell
hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
- Dick
Gregory.
You know what they say;
if God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten
Commandments. We’d
have the ten suggestions.
- Malcolm Bradbury and
Christopher Bigsby.
As
usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound advice and original
ideas. Unfortunately, none of the sound ideas
is original and
none of the original ideas is sound.
-
Harold Macmillan.
A
liberal is a conservative who’s been mugged by reality.
A
liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.
LIBERTY
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
- Will
Rogers.
The
tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the
blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.
-
Thomas Jefferson.
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
-
George Bernard Shaw.
Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt
absolutely.
-
Gertrude Himmelfarb.
This
is how liberty dies - with thunderous applause.
-
Senator Padmé Naberrie Amidala Skywalker.
‘Liberté - Egalité - Fraternité’ - Maternité
-
Hospital, Paris.
LIFE & LIVING
The
supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
-
Victor Hugo.
From
my rotting body flowers shall grow, and I shall be in them.
-
Edward Munch.
The
grand essentials in life are something to do, something to love,
and something to hope for.
-
Joseph Addison.
Life is an effort which
deserves a better cause.
- Karl Kraus.
Life
is pain, princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling
something.
- The
Princess Bride.
Life is not too bad if
you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much
imagination.
-
Christopher Isherwood.
Life
is not a spectacle or a feast: it is a predicament.
-
George Santayana.
Go
confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you
have imagined.
-
Henry David Thoreau.
Live
as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live
forever.
-
Mahatma Gandhi.
Life
is a predicament which precedes death.
-
Henry James.
Life
can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
-
Sören Kierkegaard.
I see
life as a dance. Does a dance have to have a meaning? You’re
dancing because you enjoy it.
-
Jackie Mason.
Life
is a zoo in a jungle.
-
Peter De Vries.
Life
is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on
which a man is liable to find himself
speeding back in the
direction he came.
-
Peter De Vries.
Life
is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we have
learned to walk.
-
Cyril Conolly.
If you
want my final opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can
give it to you in a nutshell. The universe
is like a safe to
which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up
in the safe.
-
Peter De Vries.
I
would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance,
Were
it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
-
Ogden Nash.
Life
is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take
it.
- Tom
Stoppard.
Life
is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then find
there is nothing in it.
-
James Gibbons Huneker.
The
meaning of life is that it stops.
-
Franz Kafka.
The
goal of all life is death.
-
Sigmund Freud.
What
the meaning of human life may be I don’t know; I incline to
suspect that it has none.
- H.L.
Mencken.
The
mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
-
Henry David Thoreau.
Life
is judged with all the blindness of life itself.
-
George Santayana.
Life
can little else supply
But a
few good fucks and then we die.
- John
Wilkes.
Being
on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
- Karl
Wallenda.
Life
is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran
Lebowitz.
Life
is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
-
Thomas La Mance.
My
grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a
thorn.
-
Louis Adamic.
Not a
shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is
serious.
-
Brendan Gill.
Life
is too short for men to take it seriously.
-
George Bernard Shaw.
Do not
take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
-
Elbert Hubbard.
Scientists are trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it
shouldn’t be difficult if the laboratory assistant
is pretty and
willing.
-
Brendan Gill.
My
life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-
Ashleigh Brilliant.
The
purpose of life is to fight maturity.
- Dick
Werthimer.
Not
only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
-
Adrienne E. Gusoff.
Life
is a tale told by an idiot - full of sound and fury, signifying
nothing.
-
William Shakespeare.
I'm
the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me
live my life, the way I want to.
- Jimi
Hendrix.
Life
is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the
victim.
-
Bertrand Russell.
Life
is rather like a tin of sardines. We are all looking for the
key.
- Alan
Bennett.
Life
is a joke that’s just begun.
-
W.S.Gilbert.
Life
is one long process of getting tired.
-
Samuel Butler.
If
life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead.
- Johnny Carson.
When I
hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask,
‘Compared to what?’
-
Sydney J. Harris.
Human
life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of
death or Santa Claus.
- Eric
Berne.
The
basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as
an endless
standing in line.
- H.L.
Mencken.
Life
is not for everyone.
-
Michael O’Donoghue.
And in
the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the
life in your years.
-
Abraham Lincoln.
My
whole life is a movie. It’s just that there are no dissolves. I
have to live every agonising moment of it. My
life needs
editing.
- Mort
Sahl.
Life
is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and
ninety-nine men out of a thousand
are bastards.
-
Theodore Dreisler.
May
you live all the days of your life.
-
Johnathan Swift.
Life
does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh.
-
George Bernard Shaw.
There are few situations in life that cannot be resolved promptly, and to the satisfaction of all concerned, by
either suicide, a bag of gold, or thrusting a despised antagonist over a precipice on a dark night.
- Ernest Bramah, Kai Lung stories.
The
purpose of life is a life of purpose.
-
Robert Byrne.
Life
is a cement trampoline.
-
Howard Nordberg.
Life
is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
-
Grandma Moses.
I know
what things are good: friendship and work and conversation.
These I shall have.
-
Rupert Brooke.
There
is no finish line.
- Nike
advertisement.
If A
equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, where X is
work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut.
-
Albert Einstein.
The
aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously,
drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.
-
Henry Miller.
The universe is like a
safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is
locked up in the safe.
- Peter De Vries, Let
Me Count the Ways.
The
basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war
as an endless
standing in line.
- H.L.
Mencken.
Have
you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are
already born?
- Benny Hill.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is
like expecting the bull not to charge because
you are a
vegetarian.
-
Dennis Wholey.
Monday
is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The
trouble with life is there's no background music.
Life,
n.: a sexually transmitted disease that is fatal.
Life is too
important to be taken seriously.
Life is not a
cabaret. It’s a fucking circus.
Life without danger
is a waste of oxygen.
Life is a
hereditary disease.
Life is anything
that dies when you stomp on it.
Life is hard. It’s
breathe, breathe, breathe all the time.
Life
is a series of irregular intervals between craps.
Life
is biodegradable art.
Life’s
all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to
get it.
Life
is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.
Life
is a terminal disease.
On the
keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Life
is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat - eventually you get
pissed off.
Life
is like photography. You develop the negative.
Life
is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how
well you bounce.
Life
is unsure. Always eat your desert first.
The
four stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
But,
you know what life really is? You're born, you suck your
mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck
your
girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits.
That's what life is. Life sucks.
Give
us Lord, a bit o' sun,
A bit
o' work and a bit o' fun;
Give
us all in the struggle and sputter
Our
daily bread and a bit o' butter.
- From
an inn in Lancaster, England.
The
answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything
is...Four day work week, Two ply toilet paper!
It may
be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
LONDON
When a
man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in
London all that life can afford.
-
Samuel Johnson.
London, like a bowl of viscid human fluid, boils sullenly over
the rim of its encircling hills and slops messily
and uglily
into the home counties.
- H.G.
Wells.
London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers of the
Empire are irresistibly drained.
-
Arthur Conan Doyle.
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
- Fran
Lebowitz.
London: Crowds without company, and dissipation without
pleasure.
-
Edward Gibbon.
London
is too full of fogs - and serious people. Whether the fogs
produce the serious people or whether
the serious people produce
the fogs, I don’t know, but the whole thing rather gets on my
nerves.
-
Oscar Wilde.
LOVE &
RELATIONSHIPS
To be
loved, be lovable.
-
Ovid.
What
is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a
voracious appetite with a certain quantity
of delicate white
human flesh.
-
Henry Fielding.
Life
has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other
but in looking outward together in
the same direction.
-
Antoine de Saint Exupery, Wind, Sand and Stars.
Love
enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm
of your partner's hand, knowing they
will be handled with care.
- Carl
S. Avery.
You,
yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve
your love and affection.
-
Buddha.
It’s
possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too well.
-
Charles Bukowski.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in
love.
-
Albert Einstein.
Love
is what happens to a man and a woman who don’t know each other.
- W.
Somerset Maugham.
Love
is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
-
Lynda Barry.
Love
is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain
empties.
-
Jules Renard.
Love
is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young,
the habituation of the middle aged,
and the mutual dependence of
the old.
- John
Ciardi.
I
asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did.
Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening.
We discussed
the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for
an only child.
-
Woody Allen.
I do
think we need to explore the commitment problem, which has
caused many women to mistakenly
conclude that men, as a group,
have the emotional maturity of hamsters. This is not the case. A
hamster
is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a
woman, especially if she gives it those little
food pellets.
Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of
companionship, and he will run
on the exercise wheel of lust;
but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to
close
and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he'll
squirm out, scamper across the kitchen floor of uncertainty
and
hide under the refrigerator of Non-Readiness.
- Dave
Barry.
The
true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he
wants woman, as the most dangerous
plaything.
-
Friedrich Nietzsche.
Better
to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-
David Chambless.
Love
is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
- Lord
Dewar.
I
recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-
David Bissonette.
The
love game is never called off on account of darkness.
- Tom
Masson.
Mumps,
measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.
-
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook.
The
most important things to do in the world are to get something to
eat, something to drink and somebody
to love you.
-
Brendan Behan.
Before
I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a
few times.
- Rita
Rudner.
The
difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an
eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was
'involved' - the pig was
'committed'.
Forget
love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks
frog.
(Across a drawing of a skeleton) Waiting for the perfect man.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Save
your breath….you’ll need it to blow up your date.
LOS ANGELES
Thought is barred in this city of Dreadful Joy, and conversation
is unknown.
-
Aldous Huxley.
They
don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television
shows.
-
Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman.
I mean, who would want
to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you
can turn right on a red light.
- Woody Allen.
Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.
-
Dorothy Parker (Attrib).
The
difference between Los Angeles and yoghurt is that yoghurt has
real culture.
- Tom
Taussik.
The
plastic asshole of the world.
-
William Faulkner.
There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in
the ocean level wouldn't cure.
- Ross
MacDonald.
California is a great place - if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred
Allen.
In
California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a
therapist going to a therapist.
-
Truman Capote.
LUCK
Depend
on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work
for the rabbit.
- R.E.
Shay.
I'm a
great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I
have of it.
-
Thomas Jefferson.
We
must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of
those we don't like?
- Jean
Cocteau.
I go
from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but
there's never any gum under any of them.
- Emo
Philips.
I
figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether
you play it or not.
- Fran
Lebowitz.
Never
trade luck for skill.
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