From: "Jacana Enterprises" Bcc: "Wittstock, Jenny" , "Wilmot, Hazel \(SA\)" , "Wentink, Brian" , "Strugnell, Noel" , "Schleicher, Tom 2" , "Safaris Botswana Bound2" , "Roberts, Ken" , "Palmer, Terry & Mervyn" , "North, Tish" , "Myburgh, Joe" , "Myburg, Gert" , "Montjoie, Chester" , "Maun Rest Camp" , "Kempson, Jeffery" , "Jubber, Craig" , "Jourdan, Phil" , "Haywood, Amanda" , "Hardwick, Warren" , "Fella, John" , "Fallon, Sallie" , "Constantino, Jose" , "Chobe Photo Lab" , "Cantle, Nigel" , "Bullock, Mike" , "Bullock, Digby" , "Brits, Gert" , "Berg, Paul" , "African Horseback Safaris" , "Boyes, John - Kabul" Subject: jhl250607 Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 08:21:20 +0200 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="multipart/alternative"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_00A0_01C7B701.CF1C30D0" X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.3138 X-MIMEOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3138 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_00A0_01C7B701.CF1C30D0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_001_00A1_01C7B701.CF1C30D0" ------=_NextPart_001_00A1_01C7B701.CF1C30D0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Blondes again (Thanx, NC) A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if = he could see her license.=20 She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. = Just yesterday you take away my=20 license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"=20 ---- A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right = breast hanging out.=20 A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could = cite you for indecent exposure?"=20 She says, "Why, officer?"=20 "Because your breast is hanging out." He says.=20 She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" = ---- There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees = another blonde on the opposite bank.=20 "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"=20 The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts = back, "You ARE on the other side." =20 ---- A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.=20 Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the = wheel was knitting! Realizing that=20 she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked = down his window, turned on his=20 bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"=20 "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"=20 ---- The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists = of yes/no type questions. She takes=20 her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five = minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,=20 takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking = the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads,=20 and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the = rest of the class is still sweating it out.=20 During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, = muttering and sweating. The moderator,=20 alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam = in half an hour, but now I'm=20 rechecking my answers." ---- A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond = female neighbor came out of the house=20 and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & = stormed back in the house. A little=20 later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, = opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily,=20 back into the house she went.=20 As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, = marched to the mail box, opened it=20 and then slammed it closed harder than ever.=20 Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"=20 To which she replied, "There certainly is!"=20 "My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.' "=20 ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition = this year has been keen. The candidates this year are. . .=20 6th Place - In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two = feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer = grate to retrieve his car keys. 5th Place - A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned = when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily = run. 4th Place - While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for = protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the = bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on = the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could = not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an = hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. 3rd Place - Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with = friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets = into his mouth and pull the trigger.=20 2nd Place - After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at = the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on = robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed = officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the = would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a = target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and = several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was = pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators = located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy = revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 = different weapons. No one else was hurt. 1st Place - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when = one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local = bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and = at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon = arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had = brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered = and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured = one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His = fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at = the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was = rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ A teacher was helping her students with a math problem. She recited the = following story: "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A gunman = shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?" A boy = pauses. "None," he replied thoughtfully. "No, no, no, let's try again," = the teacher says patiently. She holds up three fingers. "There are three = birds sitting on a wire. A gunman shoots one," she puts down one finger, = "how many birds are left on the wire?" None," the boy says with = authority. The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that." "It's = simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird, he scared the = other two away." "Well," she says, "it's not technically correct, but I = like the way you think."=20 "Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. "There are three = women sitting on a bench eating Popsicle's. One woman is licking the = Popsicle, one woman is biting the Popsicle, and one is sucking the = Popsicle. Which one is married?" he asked innocently. The teacher looked = at the boy's angelic face and writhed in agony, turning three shades of = red. "C'mon," the boy said impatiently, "one is licking the Popsicle, = one is biting and one is sucking. Which one is married?" "Well," she = gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, "the one who's sucking?" = "No," the boy says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on. But = I like the way you think." ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan = when they noticed a whaling ship. The male=20 whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many = years earlier. He said to the female whale,=20 "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same = time and it should cause the ship to turn over=20 and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.=20 Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and = were swimming to the safety of shore.=20 The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the = female,"Let's swim after them and gobble them=20 up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female = was becoming reluctant to follow him.=20 "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely = refuse to swallow the seamen."=20 NOTE:=20 The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it = ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes=20 it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time = one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is=20 so salty... =20 ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ Luigi (Thanx, KR) At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on = his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share = some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all = these years. Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, = spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy = for the 20th-a anniversary! =20 The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration = to all the husbands here! =20 Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your = 50th anniversary..." Luigi proudly replied, " I'm-a gonna go and-a get her." ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ Terror Alerts The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist = threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." = Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or = even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the = blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have = been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last = time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the = American Revolution of 1776. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror = alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France = are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent = fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing = the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of = alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and = Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: = "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" = to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher = levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only = threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. = These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish = navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. The Jacana Humour List=20 To unsubscribe (or join) contact jacana@botsnet.bw He who laughs, lasts ;-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Humour =3D Sanity =3D Survival (-: (-: (-: (-: (-; ------=_NextPart_001_00A1_01C7B701.CF1C30D0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Blondes=20 again
(Thanx, = NC)
 
A police officer stops = a blonde for=20 speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She = replied=20 in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just = yesterday=20 you take away my
license and then today = you expect=20 me to show it to you!" 
 
----
 
A blonde is walking = down the street=20 with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman=20 approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for = indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your = breast is=20 hanging out." He says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left = the baby=20 on the bus again!"  
 
----
 
There's this blonde out = for a walk.=20 She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.=20
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"=20
 
The second blonde looks = up the=20 river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other = side." =20
----
 
A highway patrolman = pulled=20 alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was = astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! = Realizing that=20
she was oblivious to = his flashing=20 lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his=20
bullhorn and yelled, = "PULL OVER!"=20

"NO!" the blonde = yelled back,=20 "IT'S A SCARF!"
 
----
 
The blonde reported for = her=20 university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She = takes=20
her seat in the = examination hall,=20 stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of = inspiration,=20
takes out her purse, = removes a coin=20 and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads,=20
and No, for = Tails.  Within=20 half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still = sweating it=20 out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing = the coin,=20 muttering and sweating. The moderator,
alarmed, approaches her = and asks=20 what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm=20
rechecking my=20 answers."
 
----
 
A man was in his front = yard mowing=20 grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house=20
and went straight to = the=20 mailbox.  She opened it then slammed it shut &   = stormed back=20 in the house.  A little
later she came out of = her house=20 again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. = Angrily,=20
back into the house she = went.=20

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came = out again,=20 marched to the mail box, opened it
and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her = actions the=20 man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There = certainly=20 is!"

"My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.' " =
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~= ~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
YOU CAN'T FIX=20 STUPID
 
These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, = competition this=20 year has been keen. The candidates this year are. . .
 
6th Place - In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in = two feet=20 of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate = to=20 retrieve his car keys.
 
5th Place - A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally = zoned=20 when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily = run.
 
4th Place - While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot = hole for=20 protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the = bottom=20 when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the = beach used=20 their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. = It took=20 rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones = was=20 pronounced dead at a hospital.
 
3rd Place - Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet = with=20 friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets = into his=20 mouth and pull the trigger.
 
2nd Place - After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked = at the=20 front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on = robbing=20 the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was = standing=20 at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a = hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer = and a=20 clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns = and=20 fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime = scene=20 investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The = subsequent=20 autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7=20 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
 
1st Place - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends = when one=20 of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local = bridge in the=20 middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men = trooped=20 along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint = of the=20 bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, = who had=20 continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's = cable=20 lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the = other to=20 the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore = his foot=20 off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water = and was=20 rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~= ~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
A teacher was helping her students with a math problem. She recited = the=20 following story: "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A gunman = shoots one=20 of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?" A boy pauses. = "None," he=20 replied thoughtfully. "No, no, no, let's try again," the teacher says = patiently.=20 She holds up three fingers. "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A = gunman=20 shoots one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the = wire?"=20 None," the boy says with authority. The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you = came up=20 with that." "It's simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one = bird, he=20 scared the other two away." "Well," she says, "it's not technically = correct, but=20 I like the way you think."
 
"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. "There are = three=20 women sitting on a bench eating Popsicle's. One woman is licking the = Popsicle,=20 one woman is biting the Popsicle, and one is sucking the Popsicle. Which = one is=20 married?" he asked innocently. The teacher looked at the boy's angelic = face and=20 writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. "C'mon," the boy said=20 impatiently, "one is licking the Popsicle, one is biting and one is = sucking.=20 Which one is married?" "Well," she gulped and in a barely audible = whisper=20 replied, "the one who's sucking?" "No," the boy says with surprise, "the = one=20 with the wedding ring on. But I like the way you think."
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~= ~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
A male whale and a female whale = were swimming=20 off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.  The male=20
whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father = many=20 years earlier. He said to the female whale,
"Lets both swim under = the ship=20 and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the = ship to=20 turn over
and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned = over and=20 quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors = had jumped=20 overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was = enraged=20 that they were going to get away and told the female,"Let's swim after = them and=20 gobble them
up before they reach the shore." At this point, he = realized the=20 female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow = job, but I=20 absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

NOTE:
The average blue whale produces over = 400=20 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes =
it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into = the ocean=20 every time one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is
so salty... 
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((>&l= t;~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
Luigi
(Thanx, KR)
 
At the church's husband's marriage = seminar, the=20 Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a = few=20 minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to = the same=20 woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to = treat-a=20 her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her = to=20 Italy for the 20th-a anniversary!
 
The Priest immediately = commented,=20 "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands=20 here!
 
Please tell the audience what you are planning for = your wife=20 for your 50th anniversary..."
Luigi proudly replied, " I'm-a gonna go and-a get=20 her."
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((>&l= t;~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
Terror=20 Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to = recent=20 terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to=20 "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to = "Irritated"=20 or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the = blitz=20 began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been=20 re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the = British=20 issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the American = Revolution of=20 1776.
 
 The French government announced yesterday that it has raised = its=20 terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in = France=20 are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent = fire=20 that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the = country's=20 military capability.
 
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level = of=20 alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and = Excitedly" to=20 "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective = Combat=20 Operations" and "Change Sides."
 
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful = Arrogance" to=20 "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher = levels:=20 "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the = only=20 threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to = deploy.=20 These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish = navy can=20 get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
The Jacana Humour List 3D""
To=20 unsubscribe (or join) contact jacana@botsnet.bw
He who = laughs,=20 lasts
;-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Humour =3D Sanity =3D Survival (-: (-: = (-: (-:=20 (-;
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