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Subject: jhl120607
Date: Tue, 12 Jun 2007 12:29:41 +0200
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Koos & Japie

Koos and Japie from BOKSBURG were in Pretoria for the Currie Cup Final =
when they suddenly spotted this sign on a shop window:=20
=20
Suits R20--00 each =20
Shirts R10--00 each (Two-Tone only) =20
Trousers R8--00 per pair=20
=20
Koos says to his pal. "Hey Japie, check at that! Bliksem, we could buy a =
whole load of those clothes... then when we get back we could resell =
them and make us a moerse fortune!"=20
=20
"Now listen boet, when we go into the shop you keep your big mouth shut, =
hey! Just you let me do all the talking plus wheeling and dealing stuff, =
because if they hear your BOKSBURG accent, they might try to rip us off. =
I'll be giving them my best PRETORIA accent so they think we're locals." =

=20
They go in and Koos says, "Excuse me sir, I'll take 50 of your finest =
suits at R20 each, plus 100 shirts at R10 each, and 50 pairs of your =
trousers at just R8 each. I will be paying in cash, and taking those =
items with me today, if you don't mind."=20
=20
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You from BOKSBURG, right?"=20
=20
"Err....ja" says Koos, "how do you know?"=20
=20
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner, you doos!" =20

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

The Confused Kiwi
(Thanx, GB)

A Mormon was seated next to a Kiwi on a flight from London to Auckland. =
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Kiwi asked =
for a rum and Coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. The =
Mormon replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen =
whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Kiwi then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. =
I didn't know we had a choice."

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Looks Like Yours
(Thanx, NC)

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two =
black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.=20

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, " What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a =
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to =
look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows =
had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and =
sure enough, there was a golf  ball with my wife's monogram on it - =
stuck right in the middle of  the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's =
tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that ..."

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

My doctor
(Thanx, KR)

Let Me Tell You About My Doctor. He is very good. If you tell him you =
want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he =
realized she was Chinese.=20

While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there's =
a man here who thinks He is invisible."=20
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, my =
son just swallowed a roll Of film."=20
The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His =
advice: Don't answer it.

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I =
think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these if they don't =
work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The =
doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop =
going to those places.

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Bedside Story

One day , long, long ago there was this man who surprisingly,=20
was not full of shit.... =20
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....     =20
But this was a LONG time ago....=20
And it was only ONE man....
And it was just ONE day !
The End=20

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Design Flaws

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died =
and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've =
been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your =
reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out =
with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God =
recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented =
the Harley- Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's =
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a =
road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but =
aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes"

"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major =
design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5 The maintenance costs are outrageous!!

"Hmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial Supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited =
for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read =
it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, =
"but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than =
yours." =20

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Blasphemy

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. =
She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.=20

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this =
was the day you spent with your family."=20

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. =
We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented =
golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your =
day of recreation was not relaxing?"=20

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name =
in vain today!"=20

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must =
tell me all about it!"=20

"Well, we were on the fifth tee and this hole is a monster, 540 yard Par =
5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green. I hit the drive of my =
life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying =
straight and true, right along the line I wanted, and it hits a bird in =
mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"=20

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother Superior. "How unfortunate, but surely =
that didn't make you blasphemous, Sister!"=20

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister." While I was still trying to =
fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my =
ball and runs off down the fairway!"=20

"Oh, that would have made me blasphemous!" said the Mother Superior.=20

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud =
of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, =
this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, =
with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said t he Mother with a knowing smile.=20

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as =
the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, =
and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped =
out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"=20

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, =
fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said, "You missed the fucking =
putt, didn't you?"

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

WRONG COSTUME

All eyes turned to stare as a gorgeous redhead walked into the fancy =
dress party stark naked. The alarmed host rushed to intercept her.

"Where's your costume?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

"This is it," she calmly explained. "I came as Adam."

"Adam?" her host exploded. "You don't even have a dick!"

"I just got here, Jeremy," she replied. "Give me a few minutes."

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to =
commit suicide. Let's see now. . . . .=20

No Jesus=20

No Christmas=20

No television=20

No cheerleaders=20

No rugby

No football=20

No hockey=20

No golf =20

No pool parties=20

No Shoprite

No Northgate Mall

No braais

No pork ribs

No burgers=20

No chocolate

No lobster=20

No prawns

No calamari

Not any seafood at all

No beer....really NO BEER.

Rags for clothes and towels for hats

Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are =
no doctors

Constant wailing from the guy in the tower

More than one wife

You can't shave

Your wives can't shave

You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning =
camel dung

The women have to wear black full-length baggy dresses and veils at all =
times

Your bride is chosen by someone else

She smells just like your donkey

But your donkey has a better disposition

And sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, fuckin' sand EVERYWHERE!

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!=20

I mean, really, is there a mystery here, HELLOOO?=20

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the =
stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from =
humanity as possible.=20

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. =
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so, of almost =
total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, =
bearded man standing there.=20

"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a =
Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About =
5:00."=20
=20
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some =
local folks. Thank you."=20

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."=20

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink =
with the best of 'em."=20

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be =
some fightin' too."=20

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, thanks =
again."=20

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"=20

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've =
been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, =
what should I wear?"=20

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."=20


The Jacana Humour List    =20
To unsubscribe (or join) contact jacana@botsnet.bw
He who laughs, lasts
;-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Humour =3D Sanity =3D Survival (-: (-: (-: (-: (-;
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	charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; =
charset=3Diso-8859-1">
<META content=3D"MSHTML 6.00.6000.16441" name=3DGENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff =
background=3Dcid:015701c7acdc$964fc020$5633fea9@lee28>
<DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial=20
size=3D2></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#000080 size=3D4><STRONG><U>Koos &amp;=20
Japie</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Koos and Japie from BOKSBURG were in Pretoria for the Currie Cup=20
Final&nbsp;when they suddenly spotted this sign on a shop window:=20
<BR>&nbsp;<BR>Suits R20--00 each&nbsp;&nbsp;<BR>Shirts R10--00 each =
(Two-Tone=20
only)&nbsp;&nbsp;<BR>Trousers R8--00 per pair <BR>&nbsp;<BR>Koos says to =
his=20
pal. "Hey Japie, check at that! Bliksem, we could buy&nbsp;a whole load =
of those=20
clothes... then when we get back we could resell&nbsp;them and make us a =
moerse=20
fortune!"&nbsp;<BR>&nbsp;<BR>"Now listen boet, when we go into the shop =
you keep=20
your big mouth&nbsp;shut, hey! Just you let me do all the talking plus =
wheeling=20
and dealing&nbsp;stuff, because if they hear your BOKSBURG accent, they =
might=20
try to&nbsp;rip us off. I'll be giving them my best PRETORIA accent so =
they=20
think&nbsp;we're locals."&nbsp;<BR>&nbsp;<BR>They go in and Koos says, =
"Excuse=20
me sir, I'll take 50 of your finest&nbsp;suits at R20 each, plus 100 =
shirts at=20
R10 each, and 50 pairs of your&nbsp;trousers at just R8 each. I will be =
paying=20
in cash, and taking those&nbsp;items with me today, if you don't=20
mind."&nbsp;<BR>&nbsp;<BR>The owner of the shop interrupts, "You from =
BOKSBURG,=20
right?" <BR>&nbsp;<BR>"Err....ja" says Koos, "how do you=20
know?"&nbsp;<BR>&nbsp;<BR>The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner, you=20
doos!"&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#008000 size=3D4><STRONG><U>The Confused=20
Kiwi</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>(Thanx, GB)</DIV>
<DIV><BR>A Mormon was seated next to a Kiwi on a flight from London to=20
Auckland.&nbsp;After the plane was airborne, drink orders were =
taken.&nbsp;The=20
Kiwi asked for a rum and Coke, which was brought and placed before =
him.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a=20
drink.&nbsp;The Mormon replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped =
by a=20
dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."</DIV>
<DIV><BR>The Kiwi then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, =
"Me=20
too.&nbsp;I didn't know we had a choice."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT=20
color=3D#800080 size=3D4><STRONG><U>Looks Like=20
Yours</U></STRONG></FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT=20
size=3D2>(Thanx, NC)</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT=20
size=3D2></FONT></SPAN>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT =
size=3D2>A=20
man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two =
black=20
eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. =
</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT=20
size=3D2></FONT></SPAN>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT=20
size=3D2>Naturally, the Doctor asked him, " What happened to=20
you?"</FONT></SPAN></DIV><SPAN lang=3DEN-US=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"><FONT =
size=3D2>
<DIV><BR>"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at =
a=20
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to =
look for=20
them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had =
something=20
white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, =
there=20
was a golf&nbsp; ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the =
middle=20
of&nbsp;&nbsp;the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled =
to my=20
wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"</DIV>
<DIV><BR>"I don't remember much after that ..."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV></FONT></SPAN>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((=
((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#008080 size=3D4><STRONG><U>My =
doctor</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>(Thanx, KR)</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Let Me Tell You About My Doctor. He is very good. If you tell him =
you want=20
a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he =
realized=20
she was Chinese. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, =
there's a=20
man here who thinks He is invisible." </DIV>
<DIV>The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, =
my son=20
just swallowed a roll Of film." </DIV>
<DIV>The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what =
develops."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. =
His=20
advice: Don't answer it.</DIV>
<DIV><BR>My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, =
"Doctor, I=20
think I'm a bell."</DIV>
<DIV>The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these if they =
don't=20
work, give me a ring."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. =
The=20
doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to =
stop=20
going to those places.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D4><STRONG><U>Bedside Story</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>One day , long, long ago there was this man who surprisingly, =
<BR>was not=20
full of shit....&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>.....</DIV>
<DIV>.....</DIV>
<DIV>.....</DIV>
<DIV>.....</DIV>
<DIV>.....&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>But this was a LONG time =
ago....=20
</DIV>
<DIV>And it was only ONE man....<BR>And it was just ONE day !<BR>The End =
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#800000 size=3D4><STRONG><U>Design=20
Flaws</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, =
died and=20
went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been =
such a=20
good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is =
that you=20
can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang =
out=20
with God."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to =
God. God=20
recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented =
the=20
Harley- Davidson motorcycle?"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something =
that's=20
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a =
road?"</DIV>
<DIV><BR>Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse =
me, but=20
aren't you the inventor of woman?"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>God said, " Ah, yes"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some =
major=20
design flaws in your invention:</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion</DIV>
<DIV>2. It chatters constantly at high speeds</DIV>
<DIV>3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much</DIV>
<DIV>4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust</DIV>
<DIV>5 The maintenance costs are outrageous!!</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Hmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold =
on."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>God went to his Celestial Supercomputer, typed in a few words and =
waited=20
for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read =
it.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to =
Arthur,=20
"but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than=20
yours."&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#008000 =
size=3D4><STRONG><U>Blasphemy</U></STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a =
chair. She=20
lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought =
this was=20
the day you spent with your family." </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my =
brother. We=20
try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented =
golfer=20
before I devoted my life to Christ."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it =
your day=20
of recreation was not relaxing?" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's =
name in=20
vain today!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You =
must tell=20
me all about it!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Well, we were on the fifth tee and this hole is a monster, 540 =
yard Par 5,=20
with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green. I hit the drive of my life. =
I=20
creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and =
true,=20
right along the line I wanted, and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 =
yards=20
off the tee!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother Superior. "How unfortunate, but =
surely=20
that didn't make you blasphemous, Sister!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister." While I was still trying to =
fathom=20
what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball =
and runs=20
off down the fairway!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Oh, that would have made me blasphemous!" said the Mother =
Superior. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so =
proud of=20
myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this =
hawk=20
swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball =
still=20
clutched in his paws!"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"So that's when you cursed," said t he Mother with a knowing smile. =
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, =
"because as the=20
hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and =
the hawk=20
dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his =
paws and=20
rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her =
chest,=20
fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said, "You missed the fucking =
putt,=20
didn't you?"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT color=3D#008080 size=3D4><U>WRONG=20
COSTUME</U></FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>All eyes turned to stare as a gorgeous redhead walked into the =
fancy dress=20
party stark naked. The alarmed host rushed to intercept her.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Where's your costume?" he hissed through clenched teeth.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"This is it," she calmly explained. "I came as Adam."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Adam?" her host exploded. "You don't even have a dick!"</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"I just got here, Jeremy," she replied. "Give me a few =
minutes."</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~<BR><BR>Everyone=20
seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit =
suicide.=20
Let's see now. . . . . </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No Jesus </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No Christmas </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No television </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No cheerleaders </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No rugby</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No football </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No hockey </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No golf&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV><BR>No pool parties </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No Shoprite</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No Northgate Mall</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No braais</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No pork ribs</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No burgers </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No chocolate</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No lobster </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No prawns</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No calamari</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Not any seafood at all</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>No beer....really NO BEER.</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Rags for clothes and towels for hats</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there =
are no=20
doctors</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Constant wailing from the guy in the tower</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>More than one wife</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>You can't shave</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Your wives can't shave</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over =
burning camel=20
dung</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>The women have to wear black full-length baggy dresses and veils at =
all=20
times</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Your bride is chosen by someone else</DIV>
<DIV><BR>She smells just like your donkey</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>But your donkey has a better disposition</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>And sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, fuckin' sand EVERYWHERE!</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>I mean, really, is there a mystery here, HELLOOO? </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~=
~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~&lt;"((((((&gt;&lt;~~~</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of =
the=20
stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from =
humanity=20
as possible. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. =
Otherwise=20
it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so, of almost total =
isolation,=20
someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man standing =
there.=20
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a =

Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About =
5:00."=20
<BR>&nbsp;<BR>"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to =
meet=20
some local folks. Thank you." </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some =
drinkin'."=20
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can =
drink with=20
the best of 'em." </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely =
gonna be=20
some fightin' too." </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, =
thanks=20
again." </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"More'n likely be some wild sex, too," </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea =
"I've been=20
all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what =
should I=20
wear?" </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of =
us."&nbsp;<BR></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>The Jacana Humour=20
List&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<IMG alt=3D"" hspace=3D0=20
src=3D"cid:015601c7acdc$964fc020$5633fea9@lee28" align=3Dbaseline =
border=3D0><BR>To=20
unsubscribe (or join) contact <A=20
href=3D"mailto:jacana@botsnet.bw">jacana@botsnet.bw</A><BR>He who =
laughs,=20
lasts<BR>;-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Humour =3D Sanity =3D Survival&nbsp;(-: (-: =
(-: (-:=20
(-;</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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