From: "Jacana Enterprises" Bcc: "Wittstock, Jenny" , "Wilmot, Hazel \(SA\)" , "Wentink, Brian" , "Strugnell, Noel" , "Schleicher, Tom 2" , "Safaris Botswana Bound2" , "Roberts, Ken" , "Palmer, Terry & Mervyn" , "North, Tish" , "Myburgh, Joe" , "Myburg, Gert" , "Montjoie, Chester" , "Maun Rest Camp" , "Mantel, Andrew" , "Kempson, Jeffery" , "Jubber, Craig" , "Jourdan, Phil" , "Haywood, Amanda" , "Hardwick, Warren" , "Fella, John" , "Constantino, Jose" , "Chobe Photo Lab" , "Cantle, Nigel" , "Bullock, Mike" , "Bullock, Digby" , "Brits, Gert" , "Berg, Paul" , "African Horseback Safaris" , "Fallon, Sallie" Subject: jhl220307 Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:44:21 +0200 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_00F3_01C76CA1.576CA1A0"; type="multipart/alternative" X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.3028 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3028 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_00F3_01C76CA1.576CA1A0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_001_00F4_01C76CA1.576CA1A0" ------=_NextPart_001_00F4_01C76CA1.576CA1A0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Lie Clocks in Heaven A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the = Pearly Gates, he saw a=20 huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a = Lie-Clock. Every time=20 you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that = she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one? St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have = moved twice, telling=20 us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life." "Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man. "Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ Jesse In Hell One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He = immediately goes to hell,=20 where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but = I have no room for you.=20 You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. = I've got a couple of folks=20 here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you = have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to = the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and = surfacing, empty=20 handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. = Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't = think I could do that=20 all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he = did was swing that=20 hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be = in constant agony=20 if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over = his head, and his=20 legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica = Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, = I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . . . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go." ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture = when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.=20 The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban = sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I = tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will = you give me a calf?"=20 The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his = peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,=20 connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA = page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation = system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to = another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution = photo.=20 The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image = has been processed and the data stored.=20 He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected = Excelspreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, = receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,=20 miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and = says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the = cowboy.=20 He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused = as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"=20 The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"=20 "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even = though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already = knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter = than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd = of sheep.=20 Now give me back my dog.=20 ~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~ A few more facts....... a.. Most common languages: Mandarin (907 Mil); English (456); Hindi = (383); Spanish (362)=20 b.. Most common name in the world is Mohammed.=20 c.. Coca-cola was originally green.=20 d.. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than US Treas.=20 e.. It takes 1.3 seconds for light to travel from the Moon.=20 f.. The Nile and the Amazon two longest rivers but no one knows which = is longer.=20 g.. Smartest dogs: 1) boarder collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever; = dumbest--afgan=20 h.. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.=20 i.. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.=20 j.. World's smallest country: Vatican City .17 sq. mi.=20 k.. Same as above in 1991: 73:1=20 l.. Chances that am American lives within 50 miles of where he or she = grew up: 1 in 2=20 m.. Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive = from each salad served first class: $40,000=20 n.. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.=20 o.. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.=20 p.. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.=20 q.. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong=20 r.. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: = Alaska=20 s.. Most common street name in US: Park=20 t.. Number one convention city in the world: Paris=20 u.. Average number of words added to the English language each year: = 450=20 v.. Percentage of board members of Fortune 1000 companies that are = white males: 92=20 w.. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4=20 x.. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12=20 y.. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28=20 z.. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38=20 aa.. Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each = year: 44=20 ab.. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his = underwear: 7=20 ac.. Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36=20 ad.. Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: = 43=20 ae.. City with the highest per capita viewership of television = evangelists: Washington DC=20 af.. Driest place on earth--Anartica=20 ag.. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same = woman if they had it to do all over again: 80=20 ah.. Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same = man: 50=20 ai.. Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or = separation: 58=20 aj.. Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85=20 ak.. Percentage of men in the US between ages of forty and sixty-four = that snore heavily: 60=20 al.. Youngest American President. Theodore Roosevelt was 42 (Kennedy = was 43).=20 am.. The Statue of Liberty is not in New York state, but in New = Jersey.=20 an.. Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400=20 ao.. Average number of calories an American consumes during = Thanksgiving dinner: 1,960.=20 ap.. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: = 61,000.=20 aq.. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney = World: 70=20 ar.. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.=20 as.. Average number of laughs a person has in a day: 17=20 at.. Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonalds each day: 7=20 au.. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90=20 av.. Percentage of mammal species that are: 3=20 aw.. Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary = schools are above national average: 50=20 ax.. Percentage of recruited student athletes at Division 1 NCAA = universities who graduate: 47=20 ay.. Percentage of all students at Division 1 NCAA universities who = graduate: 47=20 az.. Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5=20 ba.. Number of the last 10 presidential elections won by the taller = candidate: 8=20 bb.. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.=20 bc.. Countries with highest per capita prison population: US and South = Africa.=20 bd.. Chances that a married American working woman earns more than her = husband: 1 in 5=20 be.. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3=20 bf.. Pencils are hexagonal because they're cheaper. You can make 9 = hexagon pencils with the same wood it takes to make 8 round.=20 bg.. Herbert Hoover only president to turn over entire salary to = charity.=20 bh.. World's tallest pyramid in San Francisco.=20 bi.. Only actress to win 4 Oscars for best actress: Katherine Hepburn=20 bj.. Only black to win Oscar for best actor: Sidney Poitier.=20 bk.. Only father and daughter to win acting Oscars: Henry & Jane Fonda = bl.. Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon=20 bm.. Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt=20 bn.. Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for Profiles in = Courage=20 bo.. Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of = buoying vessels over shoals=20 bp.. Only European country where every man is member of armed forces: = Switzerland=20 bq.. Only mammal with 4 knees? Elephant=20 br.. There are many animals which can put their foot in their mouth, = but none faster or more often than Phil Simborg.=20 bs.. Only continent with no desert: Europe=20 bt.. Only man to win Nobel Prize in two categories: Linus Pauling, = Science & Peace=20 bu.. Only food that does not spoil: honey=20 bv.. Only woman to establish a religion: Mary Baker Eddy, founded = Christ. Sc. in 1886=20 bw.. Only tree that can survive in salt water: mangrove=20 bx.. actual length of a year=3D365.24 days=20 by.. Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. = Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing)=20 bz.. chow chow only dog with black tongue.=20 ca.. Istambul only city in two continents: Europe and Asia.=20 cb.. Australia only continent without active volcanoes.=20 cc.. Liver only organ that can regenerate.=20 cd.. Irving Berlin wrote every composition in F-sharp.=20 ce.. longest tunnel 33.1 mi. under Tsugara Strait, Japan.=20 cf.. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird=20 cg.. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antartica=20 ch.. Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig=20 ci.. Only Great Lake entirely in US: Michigan=20 cj.. Only country with 100 percent literacy rate: Iceland (They also = have to speak 3 languages)=20 ck.. Yo-yo's originally deadly weapons in the Philippines.=20 cl.. 58% of American men prefer Betty Rubble over Wilma Flintstone.=20 cm.. A squirrel forgets where he hid most of his food.=20 cn.. Cows are louder than gorillas.=20 co.. Laughing sickness is fatal.=20 cp.. Dolphins have three stomachs.=20 cq.. Alpine Salamanders always have twins.=20 cr.. In Australia there are earthworms 10' long.=20 cs.. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.=20 ct.. The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.=20 cu.. Elephants can swim.=20 cv.. A geep is a cross between a goat and a sheep.=20 cw.. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.=20 cx.. Man is the only animal that cries.=20 cy.. A bee can smell odors 2 mi. away.=20 cz.. An ant can live underwater for 15 days.=20 da.. A giraffe cleans its ears with its tongue.=20 db.. Cold blooded animals don't dream.=20 dc.. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.=20 dd.. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.=20 de.. wahoo fastest fish at 60 MPH.=20 df.. frigate fastest bird at 200 MPH.=20 dg.. Polar bears are left-handed.=20 dh.. World's tallest woman was 8'2" from China.=20 di.. World's shortest man was 27" "Major Mite" who died in NY in 1990. = dj.. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.=20 dk.. Eskimos never gamble.=20 dl.. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in = 1910.=20 dm.. The youngest pope was 11 years old.=20 dn.. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.=20 do.. Ben Franklin was fired from his job as the first Postmaster = General of the US=20 dp.. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.=20 dq.. An infant has 300 bones. An adult 206.=20 dr.. A fourth of all the bones in your body are in your feet.=20 ds.. There are enough blood vessels in your body to wrap around the = Earth 3 times.=20 dt.. Tobacco auctioneers speak 400 words per minute.=20 du.. An infant cries without tears until 3 months old.=20 dv.. Paul Revere didn't say "The Redcoats are Coming!" because he was = captured before he got there.=20 dw.. Married people live longer than single people.=20 dx.. People can smell a skunk a mile a way.=20 dy.. Attractive people get better jobs with higher pay.=20 dz.. American President James Madison weighed less than 100 lbs.=20 ea.. Only 7 people have gone over Niagara Falls in a barrel and = survived.=20 eb.. There are 20,000 living organisms in a glass of water.=20 ec.. There are 600,000 kinds of insects.=20 ed.. Your nose and ears never stop growing.=20 ee.. The Pacific Ocean is larger than all the land mass of the Earth.=20 ef.. You can boil water in a paper bag over an open flame.=20 eg.. The mayfly lives for one day.=20 eh.. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.=20 ei.. Every day the Earth travels 12 Million Miles.=20 ej.. World's record snowfall for one day: 1921, 6 ft., Silver Lake, = Co.=20 ek.. The sun is only one of 120 million stars in our galaxy.=20 el.. The hardest substance in your body is the enamel in your teeth.=20 em.. Highest recorded temperature on Earth: 136 degrees F. in Lybia, = 1922.=20 en.. Hot water is heavier than cold.=20 eo.. Some redwoods are 3,000 years old.=20 ep.. Your brain feels no pain.=20 eq.. The center of the Earth has a liquid core as hot as the sun's = surface.=20 er.. The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515.=20 es.. They have square watermelons in Japan...they stack better.=20 et.. Blinking takes 1/4 second.=20 eu.. Cucumbers, pumpkins, tomatoes and squash are fruit.=20 ev.. House dust is 70% dead skin cells.=20 ew.. Scientists say the most relaxing image you can imagine is rain = falling at a slant.=20 ex.. Cream does not weigh as much as milk.=20 ey.. After 30 you start to shrink.=20 ez.. Mercury is the only metal that's liquid at room temperature.=20 fa.. Room temperature is 68 degrees.=20 fb.. There are three places in North America below sea level...two in = the California desert and the third? New Orleans.=20 fc.. What animal holds the record for having killed the most humans? = Mosquitoes=20 fd.. Sharks can live to be 100 years old. Only 50 to 75 people are = attacked world wide by sharks each year.=20 fe.. There are 13 sexes of slime molds. A slime mold can mate with any = of the other 12.=20 ff.. 90 percent of the world's ice in is Antartica.=20 fg.. Every diamond, no matter how big, is only one molecule.=20 fh.. 23 people in a room--50/50 odds that two will have the same = birthday. 14 people--50/50 odds that two will have birthday within a day = of each other. Only 7 people to get 50/50 odds of being in a week of = each other.=20 fi.. Heaviest dog ever was a St. Bernard--310 lbs.=20 fj.. Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation. = fk.. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with footballs for one = season.=20 fl.. First novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.=20 fm.. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day = of the year.=20 fn.. States with the highest divorce rates: Arkansas, Wyoming, = Tennessee in that order.=20 fo.. More Americans lose their virginity in June than any other month. = fp.. The 3 most valuable brand names in the world: Marlboro, = Coca-cola, Budweiser in thatorder.=20 fq.. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.=20 fr.. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.=20 fs.. Men get hiccups more often than woman.=20 ft.. An average American spends 6 months of his life waiting at red = lights.=20 fu.. The No. 1 use of gold in the US is class rings.=20 fv.. If you're average weight, multiply weight by .02 and that's the = weight of your brain.=20 fw.. Armadillos can be housebroken.=20 fx.. Red headed men are the most likely to go bald.=20 fy.. According to NASA, it's nearly impossible to shed tears in zero = gravity.=20 fz.. Why is prostitution legal all over Nevada but not in the cities = of Las Vegas and Reno? Because studies proved that men gamble more when = they bring their wives.=20 ga.. There were never any ponies in the Pony Express.=20 gb.. 90% of all New York cab drivers are recent immigrants to the US=20 gc.. November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day.=20 gd.. Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.=20 ge.. More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air = crashes.=20 gf.. Most common street name in America: Park Ave.=20 gg.. A bowl of Wheaties contains twice as much sodium as a bowl of = potato chips.=20 gh.. Fingernails grow 4 times faster than toenails.=20 gi.. Dogs don't eat citrus fruit...they make their own vitamin C.=20 gj.. The average person looks at 8 houses before buying.=20 gk.. Wilt Chamberlain's parents were both 5'8" tall.=20 gl.. Baby giraffes drop 6 feet to the ground when they're born.=20 gm.. Smartest dog is border collie; dumbest is Afghan hound.=20 gn.. Every 2.7 seconds, a Tupperware party begins somewhere in the = world.=20 go.. The average US marriage lasts 9.4 years.=20 gp.. Tinkerbell was given Marilyn Monroe's measurements by Disney.=20 gq.. Who has the 4th largest navy in the world? Disneyland.=20 gr.. Gone With the Wind is the only Civil War epic filed without a = single battle scene.=20 gs.. Who was the No. 1 box office star in both the 70's and 80's? = Clint Eastwood=20 gt.. Mahatma Gandhi is buried in California.=20 gu.. A cab from New York to LA would cost $8,325 (not including tip).=20 gv.. Tweetie Pie won an Oscar in 1940.=20 gw.. In parts of Africa, ostriches are used to herd sheep.=20 gx.. 96% of Americans ate at McDonald's last year.=20 gy.. The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the US=20 gz.. Most hummingbirds weigh less than a penny.=20 ha.. Shrimp can only swim backwards.=20 hb.. On a clear day you can see 5 different states from the top of the = World Trade Center.=20 hc.. 75% of divorced women eventually remarry.=20 hd.. It takes 12 ears of corn to produce a single tablespoon of corn = oil.=20 he.. Horses can only breathe through their nostrils.=20 hf.. It's estimated that you will spend 1 year of your life looking = for misplaced objects.=20 hg.. Sound travels 5 times faster in water than in air.=20 hh.. The state capital of Texas has moved 15 times.=20 hi.. Toads don't have teeth. Frogs do.=20 hj.. Singer Wayne Newton is a descendant of Pocahontas.=20 hk.. Coca-Cola was originally green.=20 hl.. Napolean Bonapart was afraid of cats.=20 hm.. How can you tell if a pig is sick...it stops curling its tail.=20 hn.. The housefly's tastebuds are in its feet.=20 ho.. In Kentucky its illegal to marry your wife's grandmother.=20 hp.. Do you know why so many doctors are Jewish? Because their mothers = are.=20 hq.. The average baby spends 27.5 months in diapers.=20 hr.. Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal = music.=20 hs.. It takes a ton of ore to produce enough gold for one ring.=20 ht.. Camel's hair brushes are made from squirrel hair.=20 hu.. 32% of all land in the US is owned by the federal government.=20 hv.. The alligator on the alligator shirt is actually a crocodile.=20 hw.. The French poodle originated in Germany.=20 hx.. In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam your car door.=20 hy.. No where in the bible does it say or suggest that angels have = wings.=20 hz.. The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific.=20 ia.. 50% of all bank robberies occur on Friday.=20 ib.. Thunder is caused by air rushing into the vacuum created by = lightening...you can't have thunder without lightening.=20 ic.. Salt is the only edible rock.=20 id.. Like gentlemen, mosquitoes prefer blondes.=20 ie.. Sigmund Freud smoked 20 cigars a day.=20 if.. Wild Bill Hickock had a brother. His name was Tame Bill.=20 ig.. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.=20 ih.. Fake Christmas trees have outsold real ones every year since = 1991.=20 ii.. Mick Jagger runs the equivalent of 5 miles on stage during each = Rolling Stones concert.=20 ij.. NASA invented the Dust-buster.=20 ik.. Vanilla is used to make chocolate.=20 il.. Damascus, Syria, is the oldest continuously occupied city in the = world.=20 im.. Say "3,000 puppies." In the time it took to say it, about 3,000 = puppies were born in the US=20 in.. England's Prince Charles won the Alfred E. Newman look-alike = contest in 1992.=20 io.. Number one dispenser of college scholarships for women in the US: = Miss America Pageant.=20 ip.. What city has more tanning salons than any other in the US? = Dallas.=20 iq.. On average, men are 40% muscle and 15% fat; women are 23% muscle = and 25% fat.=20 ir.. US Census calls a place with 2500 people a town; 2501 a city.=20 is.. According to one estimate, Ben Franklin had 24 illegitimate = children.=20 it.. Scientists invented straight bananas in the 60's but the public = rejected them.=20 iu.. Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.=20 iv.. The average ear of corn has eight-hundred kernels arranged in = sixteen rows.=20 iw.. On the new hundred dollar bill the time on the clock tower of = Independence Hall is 4:10.=20 ix.. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial = on the back of the $5 bill.=20 iy.. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.=20 iz.. Duddley DoRight's Horses name was "Horse."=20 ja.. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the = English language.=20 jb.. If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, = but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the = bottom.=20 jc.. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.=20 jd.. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.=20 je.. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.=20 jf.. When two words are combined to form a single word (e.g., motor + = hotel=3D motel, breakfast + lunch =3D brunch) the new word is called = a"portmanteau."=20 jg.. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.=20 jh.. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses = II who=20 ji.. fathered over 160 children.=20 jj.. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are = registered blood donors.=20 jk.. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (still wanna be a pig in my = next life) jl.. "Evian" spelled backvards is naive.=20 jm.. Charles de Gaulle's final words were, "It hurts."=20 jn.. A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.=20 jo.. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.=20 jp.. Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle=20 jq.. The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called = Botts dots.=20 jr.. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have = about ten.=20 js.. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and = ears never stop growing.=20 jt.. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.=20 ju.. Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a = McDonalds.=20 jv.. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. = jw.. Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every = Dewey-decimal category.=20 jx.. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.=20 jy.. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.=20 jz.. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the = child reaches 2-6 years of age.=20 ka.. There has never been a super bowl champion with a league leading = rusher.=20 kb.. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.=20 kc.. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into = its eyeballs-it will let you go instantly. (somehow doubt it!) kd.. In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam."=20 ke.. Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."=20 kf.. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the = first time are teenagers.=20 kg.. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are = automobiles.=20 kh.. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're = still sitting on it.=20 ki.. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in = any other weather.=20 kj.. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who = have recently eaten bananas.=20 kk.. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.=20 kl.. 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in = their wallets.=20 km.. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several = weeks.=20 kn.. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water = over his head.=20 ko.. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in = Kansas.=20 kp.. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.=20 kq.. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.=20 kr.. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.=20 The Jacana Humour List =20 To unsubscribe (or join) contact jacana@botsnet.bw He who laughs, lasts ;-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Humour =3D Sanity =3D Survival (-: (-: (-: (-: (-; ------=_NextPart_001_00F4_01C76CA1.576CA1A0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
 
Lie Clocks = in=20 Heaven
A man died and went to heaven.  As he stood in = front of=20 St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a
huge wall of clocks behind him.  He asked, = "What are all=20 those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.  Everyone on = Earth has=20 a Lie-Clock.  Every time
you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
 
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is = that?"
"That's Mother=20 Teresa's.  The hands have never moved, indicating that she never = told a=20 lie."
"Incredible," said the man.  "And whose clock is that=20 one?
 
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's = clock. =20 The hands have moved twice, telling
us that Abe told only two lies in his entire=20 Life."

"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.

"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office.  He's using it as a = ceiling=20 fan."
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((>&l= t;~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 

Jesse In Hell

 

One day in=20 the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately = goes to=20 hell,

where the=20 devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says = the devil.=20 "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You=20 definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. = I've got a=20 couple of folks

here who=20 weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to = take their=20 place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Jesse thought = that=20 sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first = room.

In=20 it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and = surfacing,=20 empty

handed.=20 Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was=20 his
fate in hell.


"No," Jesse said. = "I don't=20 think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that

all day = long."

The devil=20 led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a=20 sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that

hammer, time after = time after=20 time.


"No, this is no = good, I've=20 got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony

if all I could do was = break rocks=20 all day," commented Jesse.

The devil opened a third = door.

Through=20 it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his = head, and=20 his

legs restrained in a = spread-eagle=20 pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
what she does=20 best.

Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally = said, "Yeah=20 man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said . . . . . . .=20 .

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

 

~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((>&l= t;~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~

 
A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote = mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust = cloud=20 towards him.
 
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci = shoes, Ray Ban=20 sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I = tell you=20 exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me = a=20 calf?"

 The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a = yuppie,=20 then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why = not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, =
 connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a = NASA=20 page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation = system to get=20 an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA = satellite that=20 scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
 
 The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe=20 Photoshop
 and exports it to an image processing facility in = Hamburg,=20 Germany.
 
 Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that = the image=20 has been processed and the data stored.
 
 He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected=20 Excelspreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, = receives=20 a response.
 
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his = hi-tech,=20
 miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the = cowboy and=20 says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
 
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says = the=20 cowboy.
 
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on = amused as=20 the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
 
Then the cowboy says to the young man,  "Hey, if I can tell=20 you
 exactly what your business is, will you give me back my = calf?"=20
 
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, =20 "Okay,
why not?"
 
You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the = cowboy.
 
 "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you = guess that?"=20
 
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here = even=20 though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already = knew, to=20 a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me = you are;=20 and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.
 
Now give me back my dog.
 
~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((>&l= t;~~~<"((((((><~~~<"((((((><~~~
 
A few more=20 facts.......
  • Most common languages: Mandarin (907 Mil); English (456); Hindi = (383);=20 Spanish (362)
  • Most common name in the world is Mohammed.
  • Coca-cola was originally green.
  • Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than US Treas.
  • It takes 1.3 seconds for light to travel from the Moon.
  • The Nile and the Amazon two longest rivers but no one knows which = is=20 longer.
  • Smartest dogs: 1) boarder collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever;=20 dumbest--afgan
  • Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
  • Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better. =
  • World's smallest country: Vatican City .17 sq. mi.
  • Same as above in 1991: 73:1
  • Chances that am American lives within 50 miles of where he or she = grew up:=20 1 in 2
  • Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive = from each=20 salad served first class: $40,000
  • The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. =
  • Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
  • Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
  • City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
  • State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: = Alaska
  • Most common street name in US: Park
  • Number one convention city in the world: Paris
  • Average number of words added to the English language each year: = 450
  • Percentage of board members of Fortune 1000 companies that are = white=20 males: 92
  • Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
  • Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
  • Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
  • Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38
  • Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each = year: 44=20
  • Average number of days a West German goes without washing his = underwear: 7=20
  • Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36 =
  • Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: = 43
  • City with the highest per capita viewership of television = evangelists:=20 Washington DC
  • Driest place on earth--Anartica
  • Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman = if they=20 had it to do all over again: 80
  • Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same = man: 50=20
  • Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or=20 separation: 58
  • Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85
  • Percentage of men in the US between ages of forty and sixty-four = that=20 snore heavily: 60
  • Youngest American President. Theodore Roosevelt was 42 (Kennedy = was 43).=20
  • The Statue of Liberty is not in New York state, but in New Jersey. =
  • Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 =
  • Average number of calories an American consumes during = Thanksgiving=20 dinner: 1,960.
  • Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: = 61,000.=20
  • Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney = World: 70=20
  • Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
  • Average number of laughs a person has in a day: 17
  • Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonalds each day: 7
  • Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90
  • Percentage of mammal species that are: 3
  • Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary = schools are=20 above national average: 50
  • Percentage of recruited student athletes at Division 1 NCAA = universities=20 who graduate: 47
  • Percentage of all students at Division 1 NCAA universities who = graduate:=20 47
  • Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
  • Number of the last 10 presidential elections won by the taller = candidate:=20 8
  • Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.
  • Countries with highest per capita prison population: US and South = Africa.=20
  • Chances that a married American working woman earns more than her = husband:=20 1 in 5
  • Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
  • Pencils are hexagonal because they're cheaper. You can make 9 = hexagon=20 pencils with the same wood it takes to make 8 round.
  • Herbert Hoover only president to turn over entire salary to = charity.
  • World's tallest pyramid in San Francisco.
  • Only actress to win 4 Oscars for best actress: Katherine Hepburn =
  • Only black to win Oscar for best actor: Sidney Poitier.
  • Only father and daughter to win acting Oscars: Henry & Jane = Fonda=20
  • Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon
  • Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt =
  • Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for Profiles = in=20 Courage
  • Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of = buoying=20 vessels over shoals
  • Only European country where every man is member of armed forces:=20 Switzerland
  • Only mammal with 4 knees? Elephant
  • There are many animals which can put their foot in their mouth, = but none=20 faster or more often than Phil Simborg.
  • Only continent with no desert: Europe
  • Only man to win Nobel Prize in two categories: Linus Pauling, = Science=20 & Peace
  • Only food that does not spoil: honey
  • Only woman to establish a religion: Mary Baker Eddy, founded = Christ. Sc.=20 in 1886
  • Only tree that can survive in salt water: mangrove
  • actual length of a year=3D365.24 days
  • Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. = Joyce=20 Brothers (subject is boxing)
  • chow chow only dog with black tongue.
  • Istambul only city in two continents: Europe and Asia.
  • Australia only continent without active volcanoes.
  • Liver only organ that can regenerate.
  • Irving Berlin wrote every composition in F-sharp.
  • longest tunnel 33.1 mi. under Tsugara Strait, Japan.
  • Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
  • Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antartica
  • Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig
  • Only Great Lake entirely in US: Michigan
  • Only country with 100 percent literacy rate: Iceland (They also = have to=20 speak 3 languages)
  • Yo-yo's originally deadly weapons in the Philippines.
  • 58% of American men prefer Betty Rubble over Wilma Flintstone. =
  • A squirrel forgets where he hid most of his food.
  • Cows are louder than gorillas.
  • Laughing sickness is fatal.
  • Dolphins have three stomachs.
  • Alpine Salamanders always have twins.
  • In Australia there are earthworms 10' long.
  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
  • The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
  • Elephants can swim.
  • A geep is a cross between a goat and a sheep.
  • Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.
  • Man is the only animal that cries.
  • A bee can smell odors 2 mi. away.
  • An ant can live underwater for 15 days.
  • A giraffe cleans its ears with its tongue.
  • Cold blooded animals don't dream.
  • An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.
  • In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
  • wahoo fastest fish at 60 MPH.
  • frigate fastest bird at 200 MPH.
  • Polar bears are left-handed.
  • World's tallest woman was 8'2" from China.
  • World's shortest man was 27" "Major Mite" who died in NY in 1990. =
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • Eskimos never gamble.
  • The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in = 1910.=20
  • The youngest pope was 11 years old.
  • Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
  • Ben Franklin was fired from his job as the first Postmaster = General of the=20 US
  • Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
  • An infant has 300 bones. An adult 206.
  • A fourth of all the bones in your body are in your feet.
  • There are enough blood vessels in your body to wrap around the = Earth 3=20 times.
  • Tobacco auctioneers speak 400 words per minute.
  • An infant cries without tears until 3 months old.
  • Paul Revere didn't say "The Redcoats are Coming!" because he was = captured=20 before he got there.
  • Married people live longer than single people.
  • People can smell a skunk a mile a way.
  • Attractive people get better jobs with higher pay.
  • American President James Madison weighed less than 100 lbs.
  • Only 7 people have gone over Niagara Falls in a barrel and = survived.
  • There are 20,000 living organisms in a glass of water.
  • There are 600,000 kinds of insects.
  • Your nose and ears never stop growing.
  • The Pacific Ocean is larger than all the land mass of the Earth. =
  • You can boil water in a paper bag over an open flame.
  • The mayfly lives for one day.
  • Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.
  • Every day the Earth travels 12 Million Miles.
  • World's record snowfall for one day: 1921, 6 ft., Silver Lake, Co. =
  • The sun is only one of 120 million stars in our galaxy.
  • The hardest substance in your body is the enamel in your teeth. =
  • Highest recorded temperature on Earth: 136 degrees F. in Lybia, = 1922.=20
  • Hot water is heavier than cold.
  • Some redwoods are 3,000 years old.
  • Your brain feels no pain.
  • The center of the Earth has a liquid core as hot as the sun's = surface.=20
  • The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515.
  • They have square watermelons in Japan...they stack better.
  • Blinking takes 1/4 second.
  • Cucumbers, pumpkins, tomatoes and squash are fruit.
  • House dust is 70% dead skin cells.
  • Scientists say the most relaxing image you can imagine is rain = falling at=20 a slant.
  • Cream does not weigh as much as milk.
  • After 30 you start to shrink.
  • Mercury is the only metal that's liquid at room temperature.
  • Room temperature is 68 degrees.
  • There are three places in North America below sea level...two in = the=20 California desert and the third? New Orleans.
  • What animal holds the record for having killed the most humans? = Mosquitoes=20
  • Sharks can live to be 100 years old. Only 50 to 75 people are = attacked=20 world wide by sharks each year.
  • There are 13 sexes of slime molds. A slime mold can mate with any = of the=20 other 12.
  • 90 percent of the world's ice in is Antartica.
  • Every diamond, no matter how big, is only one molecule.
  • 23 people in a room--50/50 odds that two will have the same = birthday. 14=20 people--50/50 odds that two will have birthday within a day of each = other.=20 Only 7 people to get 50/50 odds of being in a week of each other. =
  • Heaviest dog ever was a St. Bernard--310 lbs.
  • Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation. =
  • It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with footballs for one = season.
  • First novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.
  • There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of = the=20 year.
  • States with the highest divorce rates: Arkansas, Wyoming, = Tennessee in=20 that order.
  • More Americans lose their virginity in June than any other month. =
  • The 3 most valuable brand names in the world: Marlboro, Coca-cola, = Budweiser in thatorder.
  • Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year. =
  • It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
  • Men get hiccups more often than woman.
  • An average American spends 6 months of his life waiting at red = lights.=20
  • The No. 1 use of gold in the US is class rings.
  • If you're average weight, multiply weight by .02 and that's the = weight of=20 your brain.
  • Armadillos can be housebroken.
  • Red headed men are the most likely to go bald.
  • According to NASA, it's nearly impossible to shed tears in zero = gravity.=20
  • Why is prostitution legal all over Nevada but not in the cities of = Las=20 Vegas and Reno? Because studies proved that men gamble more when they = bring=20 their wives.
  • There were never any ponies in the Pony Express.
  • 90% of all New York cab drivers are recent immigrants to the US =
  • November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day.
  • Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
  • More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air = crashes.
  • Most common street name in America: Park Ave.
  • A bowl of Wheaties contains twice as much sodium as a bowl of = potato=20 chips.
  • Fingernails grow 4 times faster than toenails.
  • Dogs don't eat citrus fruit...they make their own vitamin C.
  • The average person looks at 8 houses before buying.
  • Wilt Chamberlain's parents were both 5'8" tall.
  • Baby giraffes drop 6 feet to the ground when they're born.
  • Smartest dog is border collie; dumbest is Afghan hound.
  • Every 2.7 seconds, a Tupperware party begins somewhere in the = world.
  • The average US marriage lasts 9.4 years.
  • Tinkerbell was given Marilyn Monroe's measurements by Disney. =
  • Who has the 4th largest navy in the world? Disneyland.
  • Gone With the Wind is the only Civil War epic filed without a = single=20 battle scene.
  • Who was the No. 1 box office star in both the 70's and 80's? Clint = Eastwood
  • Mahatma Gandhi is buried in California.
  • A cab from New York to LA would cost $8,325 (not including tip). =
  • Tweetie Pie won an Oscar in 1940.
  • In parts of Africa, ostriches are used to herd sheep.
  • 96% of Americans ate at McDonald's last year.
  • The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the US
  • Most hummingbirds weigh less than a penny.
  • Shrimp can only swim backwards.
  • On a clear day you can see 5 different states from the top of the = World=20 Trade Center.
  • 75% of divorced women eventually remarry.
  • It takes 12 ears of corn to produce a single tablespoon of corn = oil.
  • Horses can only breathe through their nostrils.
  • It's estimated that you will spend 1 year of your life looking for = misplaced objects.
  • Sound travels 5 times faster in water than in air.
  • The state capital of Texas has moved 15 times.
  • Toads don't have teeth. Frogs do.
  • Singer Wayne Newton is a descendant of Pocahontas.
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • Napolean Bonapart was afraid of cats.
  • How can you tell if a pig is sick...it stops curling its tail. =
  • The housefly's tastebuds are in its feet.
  • In Kentucky its illegal to marry your wife's grandmother.
  • Do you know why so many doctors are Jewish? Because their mothers = are.=20
  • The average baby spends 27.5 months in diapers.
  • Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal = music.
  • It takes a ton of ore to produce enough gold for one ring.
  • Camel's hair brushes are made from squirrel hair.
  • 32% of all land in the US is owned by the federal government. =
  • The alligator on the alligator shirt is actually a crocodile. =
  • The French poodle originated in Germany.
  • In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam your car door.
  • No where in the bible does it say or suggest that angels have = wings.
  • The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific.
  • 50% of all bank robberies occur on Friday.
  • Thunder is caused by air rushing into the vacuum created by=20 lightening...you can't have thunder without lightening.
  • Salt is the only edible rock.
  • Like gentlemen, mosquitoes prefer blondes.
  • Sigmund Freud smoked 20 cigars a day.
  • Wild Bill Hickock had a brother. His name was Tame Bill.
  • Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
  • Fake Christmas trees have outsold real ones every year since 1991. =
  • Mick Jagger runs the equivalent of 5 miles on stage during each = Rolling=20 Stones concert.
  • NASA invented the Dust-buster.
  • Vanilla is used to make chocolate.
  • Damascus, Syria, is the oldest continuously occupied city in the = world.=20
  • Say "3,000 puppies." In the time it took to say it, about 3,000 = puppies=20 were born in the US
  • England's Prince Charles won the Alfred E. Newman look-alike = contest in=20 1992.
  • Number one dispenser of college scholarships for women in the US: = Miss=20 America Pageant.
  • What city has more tanning salons than any other in the US? = Dallas.
  • On average, men are 40% muscle and 15% fat; women are 23% muscle = and 25%=20 fat.
  • US Census calls a place with 2500 people a town; 2501 a city. =
  • According to one estimate, Ben Franklin had 24 illegitimate = children.=20
  • Scientists invented straight bananas in the 60's but the public = rejected=20 them.
  • Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
  • The average ear of corn has eight-hundred kernels arranged in = sixteen=20 rows.
  • On the new hundred dollar bill the time on the clock tower of = Independence=20 Hall is 4:10.
  • All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on = the=20 back of the $5 bill.
  • The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
  • Duddley DoRight's Horses name was "Horse."
  • The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the = English=20 language.
  • If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, = but more=20 like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. =
  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
  • Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
  • Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. =
  • When two words are combined to form a single word (e.g., motor + = hotel=3D=20 motel, breakfast + lunch =3D brunch) the new word is called = a"portmanteau."=20
  • Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
  • The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II = who=20
  • fathered over 160 children.
  • Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are = registered blood=20 donors.
  • A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  (still=20 wanna be a pig in my next life)
  • "Evian" spelled backvards is naive.
  • Charles de Gaulle's final words were, "It hurts."
  • A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
  • The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
  • Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle
  • The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called = Botts=20 dots.
  • Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have = about ten.=20
  • Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and = ears never=20 stop growing.
  • In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
  • Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a = McDonalds.=20
  • There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. =
  • Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every = Dewey-decimal=20 category.
  • Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
  • In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. =
  • Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the = child=20 reaches 2-6 years of age.
  • There has never been a super bowl champion with a league leading = rusher.=20
  • In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. =
  • To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into = its=20 eyeballs-it will let you go instantly.  (somehow=20 doubt it!)
  • In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam." =
  • Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."
  • In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the = first time=20 are teenagers.
  • In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles. =
  • About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're = still=20 sitting on it.
  • You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in = any other=20 weather.
  • Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who = have=20 recently eaten bananas.
  • The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
  • 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in = their=20 wallets.
  • Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several = weeks.=20
  • Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water = over his=20 head.
  • It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. =
  • There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
  • Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
  • "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.
 
The Jacana Humour List     3D""=20 
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